Streetside Survivors

A Carspotter’s Guide to New York City’s Unique Forms of Personal Transportation

Short Stop: Custom Mercury Grand Marquis

Whoever said “Size Matters” clearly hadn’t run into the twisted genius behind this bizarre Mercury Grand Marquis. Parked unassumingly in a quiet residential neighborhood in the Bronx sits this magnificent, fun-size beast that could quite possibly be the ultimate answer to all of New York City’s driving problems. Stop me if I sound crazy, but this Grand Marquis seems like the perfect daily driver for the pothole infested, bumper-busting, double-parking hell that is New York City. If the handiwork of the mad scientist behind this creation is as solid as it seems (those door gaps look better than the Tesla Model 3’s), then the combination of cushy, american, land-yacht ride with a footprint around the size of a ‘90s civic hatch has me ready to trade every motor vehicle I currently own for the keys to this thing.

While chopping off the rear passenger section of a Grand Marquis might seem like a surefire way to reduce any semblance of practicality a car like this might have, the builder of this now micro Mercury has taken into account the lack of seating by installing a custom front bench seat, so you and two of your buddies can ride in short-wheelbase style. Interestingly, it appears that no sheetmetal has been taken out of the massive rear overhang, leaving the mafioso-specification trunk intact. That means that technically, even after the removal of the backseat, there still is room in the back for some folks who may have, uh, how you say… “gone to the great cannoli shop in the sky.” As I drove away from this glorious stunted sedan, I couldn’t help but wonder who would devote the blood, sweat, and tears necessary to pull off such a build, presumably done in a home garage nearby. A few minutes later, lost in thought, I pulled over to check directions, and as I did, glanced to the left and discovered a second(!) short stop custom, this time a cadillac of the same vintage, sandwiched in between a rusty Camaro and a chain link fence in the driveway of what must be the humble abode of the greatest mind to grace the transportation world since Henry Ford himself.

Snubbed: Custom Ford N-Series

Ford’s F-Series pickup trucks are some of the best-selling, most recognizable and well known vehicles ever manufactured. Even those among the population with zero vested interest in the automotive landscape could pick an F-150 out of a crowd. The Ford N-Series (a.k.a. the Snubnose)? Not so much. I, for one, had forgotten these trucks even existed until I stumbled upon this big, brash beast. At some point in its nearly 60 years of life, this particular example was modified with the addition of a modern GM long bed, presumably pilfered off a mid-80s to early-90s pickup. Aesthetically, this modern modification is far from handsome, yet ultimately turns this truck into something almost useable for daily use.

Toxic Rat: 1940 Chevy Pickup

If you ask any New Yorker what the city’s mascot is, most will undoubtedly respond with the “Subway Rat” (formally known as the Norway Rat). Known to strike fear into the heart of any self-respecting deli cat, the rodents of New York are some of the City’s toughest residents. The hardscrabble Norway Rat can “squeeze through holes or gaps the size of a quarter, jump a horizontal distance of up to 4 feet (1.2 m), survive a fall from a height of almost 40 feet, and tread water for three days”. These sorts of supernatural abilities are something you’d expect from a character in a Marvel movie, perhaps having obtained their powers by exposure to radiation or some haphazardly placed toxic waste, which leads us to the suspicion that perhaps our resident rodents have a little help from some performance-enhancing glowing green goop.

“Rich Corinthian Leather”: 1976 Chrysler Cordoba

What do New Jersey, Spain, Argentina and Ancient Greece have in common? Here’s a hint: Star Trek. Confused yet? You should be. The story of these odd pairings stems from a bit of marketing magic. In 1975, advertising agency Bozell debuted what would become one of the most memorable automotive marketing campaigns in history. Faced with the difficult task of selling the Cordoba, a massive, guzzling land yacht during the height of the 1970s oil crisis, Chrysler decided to turn upscale, and approached Bozell with a tall order. In order to make what was essentially a lumbering, ancient, body-on-frame coupe seem more exotic, Chrysler gave it the name of a Spanish city and a hood ornament inspired by an Argentinian coin. Bozell’s job? Market this Latin imposter with a foreign spokesperson that exuded esteem and class.

Now, you might be wondering why the hint to my original question seemed peculiar. What would the futuristic world of Star Trek have to do with a very un-futuristic 1970s luxo-barge? Well, the classy, esteemed gentleman that Bozell chose to represent the Cordoba was none other than Ricardo Montalban, known among many other things for his role as the super-villain Khan in the original Star Trek. Montalban became a well known name in the automotive world for his commercials with the Cordoba, touting its “rich Corinthian leather” and dubbing it the “new small Chrysler.” Neither of these statements were particularly truthful. While the Cordoba was a bit smaller than Chrysler’s previous offerings, it was by no means small compared to the increasingly popular fuel-sipping Japanese options flooding the market due to the oil crisis. Calling the Cordoba “small” was just a part of the whole smoke and mirrors act Chrysler tasked Bozell with creating. More notorious than the claims of the Cordoba’s size was the emphasis on the “Corinthian” leather interior. Why an ancient city in Greece had anything to do with leather is beyond me, especially because the vast majority of Chrysler’s interiors in the 1970s were sourced from Newark, New Jersey which is a long ways away from Greece both in distance and certainly in culture.

Identity Crisis: The Buick/Opel by Isuzu

In the early 1970s, American automakers were in trouble. Gas prices had reached an all time high and threats of competition from new on the scene, thrifty Japanese manufacturers were encroaching. With increasing pressure to build cars that were smaller and more fuel efficient, companies like GM, Ford, and Chrysler began to incorporate what is usually seen as a lazy marketing tactic: Badge-engineering. While this strategy of selling essentially the same car under a different name and slightly different trim in an effort to appeal to various markets was not necessarily new to companies like GM, by the time the Oil Crisis reached its peak, automakers were desperate. Typically, a badge-engineered car would begin life as a model that was already being sold in the American domestic market, and until the early 1970s, these models usually also came from the same parent company. This parent company would decide if the model required certain additions to appeal to a different crowd (i.e. something like leather seats, chrome trim, upgraded stereo added to appeal to a more luxurious demographic), and then slap on a different badge (hence the term badge-engineering) and call it a day. In the early 1970s however, American automakers had a complete lack of small, fuel efficient cars in their lineups, and not enough time to design, develop and build entirely new models. The market for small vehicles in America was lucrative, and was rapidly being taken up by promising Japanese manufacturers like Honda and Toyota. So what was a company like GM to do? The answer to this question is what spawned this strange find, a Japanese car with a German name tacked on, sold as an upscale American car.

Ultimate Patriot: The AMC Eagle 4x4

I’m not ashamed to say this is one of my favorite cars of all time. It’s maybe not the prettiest thing on the block, but it sure is ultra cool. All those pseudo-adventuring, patagonia-wearing, hydroflask carrying “trail” parents in their Volvo XC70 cross countrys, Subaru Outbacks and Audi Allroads have this beige beast to thank for their “outdoorsy” lifestyle vehicles. All the way back in 1979, AMC (the American Motors Corporation) famous for the Pacer and the Gremlin (honestly some of my favorite cars also, fight me!), came up with an idea for a light off-road capable vehicle with the comfort of a smaller passenger car.

Where Old Iron Sleeps: Treasure Hunting at The Bronx Terminal Market

Since New York City isn’t exactly known for its abundance of barns, those of us gearheads who love to hunt down barn finds must resort to a rather peculiar method of exploration: public garage finds. On a recent trip to the Home Depot in the Bronx Terminal Market, I came across quite a few interesting vehicles tucked away, forgotten under tattered tarps and covers. With most New Yorkers lacking private spaces to store project cars, many public garages across the city offer long term storage options for anything that “ran when parked”, “needs TLC”, or is “rare & collectible”. Seeing as these garages aren’t cheap, all of these cars that follow must have at one time been someone’s pride and joy they deemed too good for the ranks of street parking. While initial intentions I’m sure were pure, over time these relics have been left to languish in the dark, dusty corners of the multi-story garage, their deep sleep interrupted only by the occasional shopping cart love tap.